The Beginnings: Patrick Bateman

So here it began…with some messages.

Patrick Bateman: May 5, 2011 – 2:16pm

Well, what I mean is that I don't like doing typical tourist stuff. If I'm going to go to a place, I'd like to live there for awhile. Also, my dad was in the military, so we moved around a lot overseas when I was young. Yes, I did have a bad experience in Spain about 5 years ago. I was there for a few months, and things got really bad with our host family. The film I'm shooting this summer is a comedy, and I'm not quite sure yet about which direction I want to go.

What about you? Have you read the Tenant of Wildfell Hall? I think that a lot of the Bronte sisters' stories are about the real price of true love. Guess what? They were talking about Jane Eyre on Diane Rheem last week, and I called into the show and got through!

I hadn’t finished reading Tenant, so I dodged the question. I’m good at bullshitting conversations, maybe making it seem as if I know more than I do, so this is how I responded:

Me: May 5, 2011 – 5:11pm

That's really cool about calling through. Funnily enough, I'm writing my last grad school paper on Anne Bronte's Agnes Grey. It's due either tonight (early due date) or by the latest tomorrow, so I'm trying to get through it. I'm writing about Agnes Grey as a sort of bildungsroman by extending a couple of critic's interpretation of it, but I'm also concluding that it's a sort of story from uselessness to ability and that that distinction allows Agnes to gain a happy husband (love) when Rosalie ends up miserable (marrying for money and status). I'm sure you don't miss these types of papers.

I also like to travel when I can live with locals, but I usually just visit the friends I've acquired from all over the world.

Did you write your comedy and are you planning on directing it?

Alright, so now I test his English-major-ness. Can he follow my interpretation? Maybe I’ve delved into the traveling issue. Bad experience. More to come later. Now more questions about him.

  

Patrick Bateman: May 6, 2011 – 8:51pm

I wrote it and will be directing it. Friends you've acquired from all over the world, huh? That's sooooooo impressive. :) I haven't read Agnes Gray, but your take on it makes sense. I thought her other book was about how individuality, independence, and intelligence, especially with women at the time, meant a life of loneliness and marginalization. Who knows, though? I don't necessarily miss the papers, but I do miss the in-depth discussions. Were you able to finish your paper? I'm going to Biloxi tomorrow, so we'll see how it goes; I usually go about three or four times a year. Typical question: what makes a good date for you?

Alright, so this is the first question he asks about me. It’s a stock question and I hate stock questions, but whatever. He can also use the word “marginalized.” His interpretation isn’t brilliant or new, but neither was my take on Agnes Grey, so I go with it. Also, I reflect that once I’m finished with graduate school classes then I’d probably miss the in-depth discussion. Okay, so why would he think that my friends “acquired around the world” is impressive when he hates traveling? I’d later find out that he hated talking about traveling, unless it was him talking about his experiences.

Me: May 9, 2011 – 5:56pm

Yes, any woman who broke from the "norm" of perfect, little Angel in the House met with a marginalized status. That's kinda what my thesis is about. Well, about women who break the Angel in the House mold. At least somewhat break with it--only to return to it.

I'd be sad to think I could never have such interesting conversations about literature. People who haven't studied literature definitely don't talk about books in the same way.

I did indeed finish my paper.

Why do you travel to Biloxi so often?

What makes a good date? Well, a good date is one in which I can feel comfortable with a person and have interesting, intelligent conversation combined with interesting and perhaps silly banter, with flirting added for good measure. I think you can tell when you just click with someone conversationally. I wouldn't like to pin any factors down. I want to feel comfortable and to have a nice time doing anything we do be it dinner and a movie, walking along the beach, going to a park, bowling, mini-golf, anything. What makes a good date for you?

It is and it isn't interesting. I love the subject matter (of course), but when you've studied something for 6 years, you get pretty exhausted. Or maybe I'm just being a jaded grad student. Either way, I've finished all of my class-classes in Grad School and all I have left to write and defend my thesis by June 1st.

This past weekend was absolutely exhausting--some parts good and others not so awesome. I was up until 6 am this morning finishing my grading. Grades were due at 9 am. I procrastinate as much (if not worse) than my students; the difference might lie in the fact that I know my abilities and, therefore, always get it done.

I did enjoy my Friday night. I went partying and celebrating the end of the semester classes with friends. Saturday I went to spend the night with my mum. My cousin came over from England so I saw her on Sunday and I had so much fun--she's delightful--which was why I had to pull an all-nighter on the end-of-the-semester grading.

I maintained my 4.0 through Grad School, so now I only have to complete my thesis. I'm not feeling hopeful. I just want it to be over with.

How was your weekend?

Okay, so my thesis did not get finished by June 1 and I was needlessly dropping my GPA in conversation; it was a stressful time. And he never answered what he wanted in a date. Lame.

Me: May 9, 2011 – 6:11pm

Read this article if you have time. I thought you'd appreciate the sentiment: http://thoughtcatalog.com/2011/dont-date-a-girl-who-reads/

It's simultaneously tragic and amusing. It walks the reader through the scenario of a man who dates a girl who isn't all that smart and the tragedy that is his life versus if he dated an intelligent woman.

So, I ran across this article and I liked it at the time. Not so much in hindsight, but it resonated with me at the time. I mostly thought of RHSG when I read it and sent it to him immediately. See, I was still hung up on him, but oh well. I was trying to move on.

Patrick Bateman: May 19, 2011 – 12:50am

Thanks for sending me that article- I enjoyed it. Sorry I've been out of contact for a little while. Our summer production cycle has started, and its [sic] been crazy busy. Lots of 14 hour days. Producing is a lot of work, and we'll actually be filming in Cairo, GA this weekend at the old jail there. How have you been. We seem to have a lot in common. perhaps we can meet up sometime in the near future.

Take care,

PB

Ha! Typos! And lack of punctuation in this message. Okay, so I'm guilty of these too. In fact, this blog is probably full of typos, but a paragraph of text is easy to edit.  “A lot in common”? We talked about one interpretation of a novel. And we’ve known about each other for about 14 days. Fourteen. (I had to do math for this one. With fingers.) Not great odds. All I know about you is that you read one book, one time. Okay, but I probably wasn’t this critical at the time I received the message…

Me: May 22, 2011 – 2:44am

The more I ponder the article, the less I like it. I did like it upon immediate inspection, but I feel it's a bit reductive in the long run. Oh well.

I understand that you are busy; I'm trying to finish up my thesis this month and, possibly, next month, so I completely understand. I assume you are in Cairo now filming or you have completed it. I hope it went well.

Yes, I'd definitely be game to meet up sometime in the future. Hopefully our schedules will clear up in the next couple of months.

Good luck with everything.

Me x

At this point I really hated this article and I didn’t want him to think it was indicative of my usual thinking patterns. I also wasn’t sure if I was ready to get over RHSG since he was probably coming home from China any time soon and I’d inevitably want to see him and that would cause all sorts of mixed and weird feelings. It’s difficult to start something new and fresh when you kind of want to hold onto something in the past; I know all about this feeling. In the past, I’d ruined all sorts of relationships—potential relationships—by continuing to sleep with my past. And new people really hate that if/when they find out. It seems people really hate sharing, but I didn’t want to repeat old history. I’d intended to learn from past indiscretions.

Me: Jun 1, 2011 – 9:39pm

I hope you are having a great week.

So, it had been a while since I’d received a message. But I’d stayed pretty busy and sort of only remembered his existence again probably because things with RHSG had been on/off again.

Me: Jun 10, 2011 – 12:58pm

I haven't heard from you in a while. Hope things are going well. :D

Alright, so it had been nine days, but I don’t remember being worried about it in retrospect. But I’d probably give up if I didn’t get a response. Also, I was moping about the fact that that RHSG didn’t seem to plan on coming to my birthday party.

Patrick Bateman: Jun 11, 2011 – 11:43am

Yes, things are going well, thanks. We are in the middle of our production cycle, though, and I have been working 6 day weeks for 14 hours a day. I have time right now because I am production designing a show for next week, which means I get four days to do all the costumes and build the set. How have you been? When are we going to meet up? I could do it in the evening one of the next four days, or at the end of summer. I'm not worried, though, we'll meet up eventually. Keep me posted,

PB

Me: Jun 11, 2011 – 3:56pm

This next week is kind of busy for me--it's my birthday week--but I will let you know. I plan on having a birthday party on Saturday night. It's a shame [my town name] is a bit of a trek for you.

I've been okay. I've been working on my thesis. I got the deadline pushed back a bit, which gave me a false sense of security and it's crunch time again. I'm working on a chapter right now.

The end of the summer might work best, but it's unfortunate I have to wait that long.

Good luck with designing, building, and costuming. Seems like a crazy task.

Take care,

Me x

Alright, so I guess I’d stopped asking get-to-know-you questions, too. Hmm.

Me: Jun 12, 2011 – 5:34pm

My number is XXX-XXX-XXXX  if you want to call me at some point. Perhaps, even if we are both busy, we can talk on the phone for a bit.

I'm actually getting really tired of where I'm living. Maybe you can tell me a bit about Tallahassee and the cost of living/availability of jobs because maybe I'll just move down there. I'm trying to scope out places to live.

I’m pretty sure he didn’t respond to my ploy to move to Tallahassee. In retrospect, that sounded pretty creepy, but I was having a terrible time with my landlady and her close-to-midnight, unannounced stop-overs to bitch at me about having “overnight guests” and whatnot, so I was definitely ready to move. Anywhere. Even some place I’d not been before—like Tallahassee—except that one time when I got my green card renewed. Plus, how can you know how much it costs to live in a place if you don’t ask the locals? See, there was logic behind my madness. And, obviously, my creepiness was overlooked since he called me after this message.

He tried calling me again one night, but I had a friend over and it seemed as if we kept missing the communication boat so I called him one day and let it go to voicemail so I could hear his voice. It’s also how I garnered his surname—better for internet stalking—but, alas, there was nothing to be found but some credits to some student film he’d done that couldn’t be found on the internet—at least not the parts he was in (I found some other poorly acted part done by some other people in the same production. It probably was a good thing as I wasn’t subjected to entire terrible student film as the acting was just that bad). He also appeared to have no Facebook. And no Myspace. And his name was a bit too common for the Yellow Pages and Google images. You can find my image on “the” Google. Plus, I have a Facebook, a Myspace, a Google+, I’m listed on my university website a few times, used to be under the “faculty” page—basically, I’m very stalk-able. But I’m not sure he even bothered. That shows a lack of interest or lack of gumption, in my opinion. Praise Google! His voice seemed pretty nice if un-place-able, sort of accent-less with a tad bit of surfer in there, but deep and a touch too loud, a little distracted at times.

We had pretty decent phone conversations, but he repeated my name ad nauseam as if it would change mid-conversation and he had to be sure to hold onto it before he lost his grasp, like water trickling through his fingers. He didn’t exactly make me laugh and I mostly let him talk about film school, but I liked talking to him, nonetheless.

He usually texted before he called:

TEXT: Jun 14, 11: 55 pm: It’s [Patrick]. Are you up?

Of course I was up. Despite the fact it was a Tuesday night, it was my birthday night and I partied pretty hard—with the help of friends and face-sized drinks. I went for dinner with companions, to a pub downtown (where the cute bartender gave me a birthday shot and birthday hug), and then a bar near my university for lots of drinks and karaoke (and the DJ, also a friend, gave me a few shout-outs over the mic); this was the first night of my life where I was drunk enough to participate in karaoke. It gave me a newfound respect for something I’d once viewed as a pointless ploy to get people to listen to your amazing singing or the horrors of your drunken warbling (mine's definitely the warbling kind of singing. I honestly can't sing. I don't say this to be modest. Some people say they can't sing only to discover they really can. But I can't and I know it); I now saw it is a way to have fun. I’m certain my phone had died that night. If it hadn’t died I was too drunk to find it or answer it. Although, I’m also certain I ended up in my bed. Probably with the glitter from my Candies glittery heels still stuck to my leg. In bed alone, might I add? I wasn’t overly drunk, you see.

 

Me: Jun 15, 2011 – 4:55pm

Hi. Sorry about the other night. I had a friend over and we were talking and I didn't want to be rude. I tried calling back about an hour later and you didn't answer. Maybe you can call back again when you have some more time.

Take care x

I’m sure it took me until almost 5 pm to recover from my hangover. And I can’t recall the time between the phone call and my apology for missing it.

So, basically, I hadn’t heard the text, the whole “are you up” one and I responded as soon as I saw it a full two days later (Jun 16) at 2:51 am (which was probably a good thing because people impose all sorts of rules about not being over-eager and blah blah). He’s not a night owl like me. I replied: “I didn’t even get your message last night. So sorry.” At 2:54 he answered with “No worries. You’re a night owl, huh? Good night. I’ll call you in a few days.” So ambiguous. A few days. Ha!

TEXT: Jun 16, 2:56 am : Yes, Night owl for sure. Prefer daytime schedule but find it difficult to stick with it. Look forward to your call. I’m having a party Saturday night so that’s probably the only bad time to call.

He’d sent this message before he received my text response in which I apologized for not answering…

Patrick Bateman: Jun 16, 2011 – 2:03am

[My name],

No prob. I'll try calling you in a few days if I don't get off set too late.

This was the last message he sent via the online dating site. Again, repetition of my name. Weird.

Later that night he texted me:

Jun 16, 9:45 pm: It’s [Patrick]. Are you free to talk?

Jun 16, 10:03 pm: Me: Yes.

We spoke briefly and then he said he was going to shower.

Jun 16, 10:05 pm: Cool. I’ll call you in 20.

Jun 16, 10:38 pm: I’m about to head out. Sorry. We can talk tomorrow?

Jun 16, 10:41 pm: Sure. Like 9:30 or so?

Jun 16, 10:46 pm: Pm? Either will work. At least I know you have a nice voice!

Jun 16, 10:47 pm: Yeah, pm. Hopefully earlier. Depends on when I get off set.

Jun 16, 10.48 pm: Look forward to it :). Have a nice night. Hope you enjoyed your shower.

Despite my overly critical outlook on PB in retrospect, at the time all of these messages added up to a pretty decent, nice guy. He seemed fairly normal and well-put together, hard working and all the rest and I looked forward to meeting him. I wasn’t sitting by the phone waiting for him to call, but I did find a call or text a welcomed surprise. 

Online Dating 101: Patrick Bateman, An Introduction

Recently, I began dating someone we’ll call Mr. Bateman. As in Patrick Bateman from Ellis’s American Psycho. Of course, as with any nickname given in retrospect, if I’d known that PB would remind me of PB minus the whole chainsaw and murdering bit, then I probably, most-likely wouldn’t have dated him. (Although, I do seem to enjoy making bad choices, so I’m not 100% certain).

How did I meet him? Well, I joined a dating site in April in order potentially to try and get over RHSG (Red Haired Sex God), this guy I’d dated on/off since January that I was super-infatuated with (more later). I’d never done online dating before. Maybe because of the stigma of online dating, but it’d been successful for my mother and a couple of my former English-majors-in-undergrad friends were on this site, so I figured why not try it? My roommate once described the small, college town in which we live as a fishbowl, which pretty much means that you encounter the same boring fish over and over again. And, lately, I’d been exhausting the options in my fishbowl and I was also pretty certain that I wouldn’t find another RHSG (or another SG in general red haired or no) in my vicinity.

I browsed the site a bit despondently after making my profile. I didn’t really see options I liked either on an attractiveness level or on a grammatical level. Why can’t people take the time to punctuate, capitalize, and avoid slang and text speak? It’s really a turnoff, people. Eventually, after receiving a bombardment of messages—all of which I’d tried to politely respond to because I didn’t think it was nice to reject people (again, my need to like and be liked by people)—I stumbled across a person of interest. The site blasts my inbox each week with a list of “potential matches” and you can go through them and “skip” the ones you don’t like whilst continually receiving a steady stream of new information and new photos as well as your percentage of compatibility based on answered questions. I saw a picture of a guy who very much appealed to me:

he was tall (I like dating men over 6’ tall. Check);

he was working on a second master’s degree (Educated. Check);

he liked to read (READING. Check. Check. Check. Check. Clearly, reading is a must and I don’t just mean magazines or “porn” articles. And I prefer people who read literature, which brings me to my next point…);

he majored in English and Philosophy in undergrad (Crazy bonus points. For the English major thing, especially since my school is so small that it renders the THREE males in our grad program un-dateable, even if they didn’t have other English major girlfriends. Check. Plus more checks.);

he worked in politics in the past (I don’t really care for politics, but this seemed impressive. Baby check. I care for impressive as in someone who doesn’t just aspire to work at Bob’s Diner their entire life);

he seemed as if he dressed well (I like a man in a suit. Big check.);

again, he was attractive (I’m a little shallow at times);

he could punctuate sentences correctly and used words over four letters long (maybe only an English major can appreciate this, but this is a MUST. Lots of checks);

back to the books thing, one of his favourite books was listed as Jane Eyre and I’d recently spent a week at the beach reading the first part of Jane Eyre with my roommate (okay, so I hadn’t actually finished it, but the fact that he read the Bronte’s was impressive and I did finish all of Agnes Grey. Yes, Agnes Grey is also known as the shortest Bronte novel ever, according to my roommate and probably according to page count too. But check, nonetheless).

Lurking amongst his other good qualities, there was one immediate no no: he claimed that he HATED traveling and I love, love traveling. But I thought it through; my roommate is all about pro-con lists and the pros clearly outweighed the cons. And, besides, I’d detective myself to the bottom of the mystery and ask WHY he hated traveling because, clearly, no one should hate traveling and there was obviously a reason. I decided to message him and I began by asking him why he disliked traveling and if he’d had a bad experience. And also what he did in film school/what types of films he made—whether he wanted to be a director or cinematographer or et cetera (because those were the only two things I knew had a name that you could go to film school for and et cetera seemed as if there’d be a continuation if I’d had time to type more). So there it began.

I should mention now that one of his favourite films listed on his profile was American Psycho, which was alright because he'd also listed one of Bret Easton Ellis’s novels, Glamorama, as a favourite book, but Ellis’s writing style exudes wit and awareness as he writes about shallow, superficial people in an ironic and tongue-in-cheek sort of way, mockingly exposing the dreadful underbelly of society gone awry. Basically, liking Ellis wasn’t a red-flag for the socially aware...or so I thought.